Anxiety and Depression Awareness Piece

***Disclaimer: This is an artistic representation and not to be taken literally***

Sometimes I wake up in cold sweats, stressed,

Holding onto the dresser, and choking to catch the next breath.

It’s like the weight of the world on my fuckin’ chest,

But it’s all inside my mind and invisible to the rest.

I guess the rest don’t even know that it exists, 

This manic panic shit’s a bitch, it flips a switch and I trip quick.

They wonder why I have an axe to grind,

Why I imagine loading the gauge, and blowing some minds.

And these dreams, they keep reminding of violence inside my conscience,

Repressed for just a second, but it’s always right beside us.

I can’t escape it, replace it, or even face it,

Just stuffed inside I hide it, maybe try to erase it, 

But it might be why I hate and why I fail to relate,

Why I always fake a smile and tell my mom I’m doing great.

You don’t wanna know what it’s like to be me,

Chain smoking and drinking just to get a little sleep.

Sometimes I pray that my kids don’t have to find me,  

With a hole under my chin and my thoughts behind me.

It’s like a struggle I juggle it everyday,

But I feel my grip slipping, I’m tripping, I fall away,

It’s better that I kill myself,

Than lose my mind on motherfuckers and murder everyone else.

And so I stare at the barrel and contemplate,

My faith stripped, my wings clipped, my place a disgrace,

I make the move and let my trigger finger twitch,

I close my eyes, and let it go, but all I hear is a click.

It’s not my time, yet again, but you can bet,

One day the click will be a boom, finally able to forget.

*** Many people struggle with anxiety and depression everyday whether it shows or not. To those on the outside, be vigilant and help out wherever you can. Be supportive and be conscious of the fact that just because you can't physically see it, it most certainly exists, and living with it is never easy. To those who are experiencing these things, you are not alone! Accept it within yourself and find a treatment, medical or otherwise, that works for you. It doesn't have to control your life!***

-Steve Kuhn