See that? It’s made to be quiet. Why, then, would one feel the need to spend money (in some cases a LOT of money) on a car part that doesn’t do the fucking job it’s made to do? I mean, at which point did a bunch of steroid munching, dude-bros in sleeveless ‘Tap Out’ shirts stand around a parking lot full of Honda Civics flush with ‘No Fear’ stickers and hilariously dopey looking spoilers and say, “Hey, dude-bro-dude… know what would be, like, mad awesome, dude-bro?”… “Nah, bro-dude-bro, what?”… “Like, if we, like, made them sound, you know, like farts!” Then a week later some little asian dude made this contraption out of some shit like a Folgers coffee can and a handful of Africanized honey bees and slapped that sum’bitch on the ass end of his ’94 Eclipse. Da fuck is wrong with these people?
Never… not even once… have I been standing with anyone who heard one of those trumpet tampons come buzzing up the road and said to me, “Damn, man, that car sounds awesome.” Never. Trust me, bro-dude-bro, we all know what a truly fast car sounds like and it sure as shit ain’t that. We also know that you watched all the Fast and Furious movies and that alone is a punishable offense. While I’m at it, when are you gonna finish that piece of shit “rebuild” anyway? You’ve had the same gray fender on that bitch since you bought it… for $300… from your cousin… who wrecked it six years ago.
Look, we’re sorry you have a small penis and your dad didn’t hug you enough. But why should we have to suffer the sounds of your secret self-loathing in the form of a tiny, foreign car that reminds us all we have to poop? It’s just dumb.
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