Friday, January 23, 2015

Michael Moore (doughnuts, please)

A few days ago, on the heels of the release of American Sniper, this slovenly fat fuck tweeted some seriously stupid shit:

"My uncle killed by sniper in WW2. We were taught snipers were cowards. Will shoot u in the back. Snipers aren't heroes. And invaders r worse"

Naturally, he caught some flak for this causing him to make this pussy-ass, bitch-made attempt to "clarify":

"Hmm. I never tweeted 1 word bout AmericanSniper/ChrisKyle. I said my uncle was killed by a sniper in WWII; only cowards would do that 2 him, others"

Let's examine this for a bit, shall we?

I suppose I'll start with some facts. Now, I've watched Mr. Moore's films so I realize that facts aren't exactly his strong suit. Based on his past attempts at stretching the truth like the taffy no doubt stuck in his teeth as I write, this will likely be hard for Mr. Moore to grasp - Although, frankly, with those chubby little sausage fingers of his I'm sure almost everything is hard to grasp, especially when they're smeared in hoagie grease.

Snipers are actually the exact opposite of cowardly. Just because they may take their actual kill shot from far off, simply getting into the position to do so often involves a dangerous trek, behind enemy lines, without the support of a major military force. They work in pairs or alone, you stupid shit.

Let me help you with some real world examples since the only heroes you know anything about are sold at the deli on the corner.. Yes, "real world" examples... not the Hollywood shit you're used to spewing.

Mogadishu, Somalia 1993: Delta snipers Gary Gordon and Randall Shughart were providing cover fire from the air during the now famous Black Hawk Down incident. When they realized that the victims at the second crash site were not going to survive the encroaching enemy forces, numbered in the multiple hundreds, without aid, they argued with mission command for permission to fight their way to the downed copter and facilitate rescue until it was granted. When they reached the site, Gordon and Shughart extracted the pilot, Chief Warrant Officer Mike Durant, Bill Cleveland, Ray Frank, and Tommy Field from the crash and held off the Somalis until they were literally out of ammunition. They gave their lives that day to save others. Sound like cowards to you, you fucking moron?

Vietnam: Carlos Hathcock, marine sniper, made hundreds of forays into enemy territory, through thick jungle alone or with only his spotter in tow. In one instance, he engaged in a two day stalk of an enemy sniper known only as "The Cobra" in a head to head test of skill which he ultimately won. In another famous mission, he crawled alone on his stomach, literally inches at a time, into an enemy compound while patrols walked directly over him for three fucking days before making his kill. He escaped undetected. Cowardly? Bitch, please!

Mike, your remark was fucking retarded. You failed to educate yourself on exactly what a sniper does and that's just sad because, even though you tend to avoid factual information, stories of these types of heroics have even been dramatized on film countless times.

Look, man, I'm sorry your grandfather wasn't situationally aware enough to avoid being shot up. Sucks for him. But fuck you gently in the ear with a chainsaw for blaming your grandfather's shortcomings on men and women who were simply better at their jobs than he was.

More importantly, though, you can eat a fat dick for calling someone a coward then backpedaling on your own statement with a punk-ass excuse. You and I both know what you were referring to with your first tweet, so don't try and bullshit me. Be a man. You didn't even have the balls to stand by your own words. You, sir, are the coward.    

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